The Wisdom of Loss + Why the Lesson’s Never What You Think


Lack of power: this is our dilemma.

To be human is to be brought to our knees. Everyday, lives are ripped apart overnight. A divorce. That rift that never goes away. A life loss too soon. Always too soon.

And yet life goes on. People eat and sleep and bathe {albeit irregularly} and go to the super market.

How do they do it? 

First. they accept that it fucking happened. They don’t wallow in sweet denial or blame it all on the cruel gods of fate. Sure, all are part of the grief process.

But healthy healing goes further. Past denial, past anger and reactionary blame. Past the horrible, inescapable suckery of it all.

Real recovery involves understanding that whatever happened is, at its core, a part of our healing path. It may hurt like crazy (it will) but try to remain open to the experience anyway.

You don’t have to like it but don’t drink, drug or medicate it away either. The relief these measures provide will only be superficial and fleeting at best.

May as well get to work on that wound instead.

It may mean therapy, setting boundaries or even cutting someone out of your life. Remain open-hearted but cautious. It’s okay to be gentle with yourself and to say no to anything that emotionally drains you.

Your path to recovery is yours alone to walk and sometimes, we have to retreat or go within to receive the message(s) meant for our heart alone.

Along those lines, the lesson isn’t what you think it is. If it were, why would the painful thing have to happen in the first place?

Major life events don’t occur to remind us of what we already know but to introduce us to teachings we would otherwise run from… such is the nature of a loving, all-knowing and purposeful co-creator.

Furthermore, people of faith understand that something wonderful will be born of their pain.

It may begin as nothing more than a quiet whisper or restless nagging but the signs will continue to appear.

We are given the opportunity to transmute our misery by creating something good with it instead.

What hurts you, blesses you. Darkness is your candle.

– Rumi

If physics taught me nothing else, it’s this: energy doesn’t die. It simply changes form.

Likewise our grief never really dissolves but transforms, turning into something beautiful and tender instead. Be it a park, a book, a charitable organization— the details don’t matter.

The point is, we get to rise above our suffering by turning it into something useful. In doing so, our burdened is lessened and we become more available to those around us.

Incidentally, this is the last and most important part of the equation.

Emotionally intelligent people share their grief. They know: if we try to carry it alone, we break. But give a bit to a friend here, a family member there, a loving God always, and in time, it doesn’t feel so heavy.

We may not always hear what we need to hear or even get a response but it’s going through the motions that matter.

I happen to think recovery (from anything) happens one loving conversation at a time.

I know it can be scary, but all the best stuff is.. besides, the alternative is repressing your every feeling and staying sick.

Remember babes, love is never lost and kindness multiples. The people that are able to turn their pain into purpose and as a means of connecting more with a loving God and her messengers; they’re the ones who are truly blessed.



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