12 Things Emotionally Intelligent People Do

You know those people who seem to flutter seamlessly through life, as if they’ve been given some secret manual the rest of us aren’t privy to?

The truth is, these people don’t exist. Not beyond Facebook, anyway.

We all have our stuff and some days are better than others. Sometimes it’s just about getting through the day without screaming at anyone.

But I’ve found some core traits common to people who do more than get by. If you want to move from surviving to thriving and emotional imbalance to emotional freedom, read on:

1. Forgive. It’s for you. Do it because you want to move forward; because you deserve to be happy and resentment only breeds misery (and more resentment).

2. Look back, without relieving the past. Healthy reflection helps us from repeating the same mistakes. But once you’ve learned from your past, don’t linger in it.

3. Respect your boundaries. They’re no good if we don’t use ’em. Decide what you will tolerate and what you won’t and then don’t waver. (That’s the hard part.)

4. Listen. You’ll learn much more this way. And people will want to be around you.

5. Hang with people that make you happy. Life’s too short to be around people that emotionally exhaust you or worse—don’t treat you like the goddess you are.

6. Make peace with your imperfection. Honor your flaws. They tell the story that is you.

7. Choose work that feels like play. Remember when you were a kid and entire afternoons dissolved into forts and fairytales? Time absolutely escapes because we love what we’re doing so much and want to share it with the world. Our professional life can be this way too.

8. Honor the uncontrollable. All that stuff that’s driving you nuts and you want so eagerly to alter? Leave it alone. The wise know—our attitude and actions are all we really have control over. Leave the rest of it be, for peace’s sake.

9. Practice self-love. The more you’re fighting yourself, the more you will fight with everyone (and everything) else. Quell the discord within—one act of self-care at a time—and the external conflict will die down too.

10. Pay attention. Those who are able to observe their own emotions–without being engulfed by them and without judging the crap out of them—are the most powerful people. Be someone who chooses how to feel instead of being ruled by your feelings.

11. Embrace the dark. The way I see it: you can’t live in the light until you’ve unearthed all the dark. Share your secrets, make your amends. and allow yourself to be seen. Once you realize you’re not alone, maybe you’ll start to see  how amazing you are.

12. Be the captain of your own ship. It’s about more than taking charge of your destiny and consciously creating the life of your desires. You must take ownership and accountability over all of it if you want to change any of it. Go ahead already, grab life by the you know what.